I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
