Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize