bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize