Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
