Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
