This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
