Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
