No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
