It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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