So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
