doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
