Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize