im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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