Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
