I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
