found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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