Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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