I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
