Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
