Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
