plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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