What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
