ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
