somebody snuck up and got me drunk
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
third nipple confirmed
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
