I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize