WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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