the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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