Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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