dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
