so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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