last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
