i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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