Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
