we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
