Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
