So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
