We won't sleep together?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
