how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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