Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
