Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
