you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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