I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
