My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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