He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
