So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I need to calm my uterus...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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