i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
