I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She told me I should be a condom model.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize