Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
