Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
