absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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