idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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