we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
