and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize