Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
