Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
