I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
