I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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