imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
