I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
