i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
