My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
