you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
