I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
