she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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