so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This house was built for laser tag.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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