pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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