just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
