she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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