Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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