my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
