"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
